50 vuotta Sössötystä! (2015)


TEKSTI: Tuuri Sarantola

4/2015 lehden kansi
Päätoimittajana Mari Porko

Sössö täyttää tänä vuonna 50! Ikää on siis yli puolet koko killan iästä, eli pitkästä kiltaperinteestä on kyse. Sössö juhlistaa juhlavuottaan julkaisemalla vanhoista Sössöistä yhden artikkelin per viikko, siirtyen vuosi vuodelta kohti Sössön alkua.

Vaikka opiskelemmekin Suomessa, tuottaa Sössö aika ajoin tekstiä ukomaisillakin kielillä. Englanti, tuo 2000-luvun latina, mahdollistaa viestinnän minkä ulkkarit ymmärtävät myöskin. Tällä kertaa on tarjolla 4/2015 lehden artikkeli ”Things to do when hungover”. Artikkelista voi myöskin poimia vinkkejä vuosijuhlakrapulan parantamiseen!

”Oh god, here we go again

It’s that time of the week again. You wake up at 10 A.M., still drunk, or at 5 P.M., with the headache of your life. You think ”That’s it! This day is wasted.” Fear not! Thanks to this guide, you’ll make every morning after count.

– Bingewatch a complete season of a TV show

Aren’t you behind on your favorite show? Or if you’re in luck,
a new season of Orange is the New Black has appeared on
Netflix! If not, there’s always Firefly. Watch out for the feels.

– Play a ”tasoittava” movie drinking game

Or two. Or three! Cream liquor works nicely. A personal favorite is 50 shades of Grey. Empty your glass at the penis scene (you’ll know it when you see it). Pubic haiiiir!

– Make a 3 course meal 

It’s a good idea to take your mind off of your hangover. Chop those onions, peel those potatoes! After long hours of sweating in the kitchen, sit down at a finely set table and realize that you’re not actually that hungry. Invite friends to eat your delicious meal and play that drinking game.

– Find someone who is in worse shape than you

It always makes you feel better. Remember to make fun of them!

– Test the cleanliness of your bathroom

The best way to make sure your bathroom is in impeccable condition is to use it thoroughly every once in a while. Sit down in your shower. Wait half an hour. Think about what you’ve done. Stare at your toilet’s pee stains. Go back to the shower. You know you’ve been there long enough when your automatic lights go out.

– Dont move a muscle. Try to sleep. Wiggle your big toe. Throw up.”

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